Bedrock

This is the beginning

I'm starting something new from the bedrock
Though it aint nothing fairytale like a clean-break;
From what broke off of me
A broken ego remains

But these jagged stones
This mud and bile
I'll pound them down
And grind them on my teeth
Till there aint no difference between the bile and me

I'll set an altar to God here
Ask Him to make me clean
Tell him to leave the dirt over my wounds
Make sure the scars pit deep

This is the beginning
And so the stars align on me
The signs, they point forward
Despite stale eyes,
I see them
Despite the blood in my ears,
I hear them

"The past is cruel", they say
"We watched them lie to you-
about you.
And we despaired as you took the bait.
We prepared your way while they beat and bruised you.
And now we sit here, waiting
While you brood within your hate"


My throat is wrung tight, choking on tears,
So i can't reply
or give thanks
Or ask forgiveness.

But this is the beginning.

This is the beginning.

This is my beginning, where I build my soul anew.

---

From the Author

After going so long without posting, I felt it good and right to give you all some extras!

When tragedy falls and you lose in the games people force on you, it's ever-tempting to try and return to your past self. But there's no going backwards, reader.

You don't have a choice but to create something new. But the question is: Are you going to create a truly new structure in your life? Are are you going to obsess over the past you can no longer grasp?

I'd be a liar if I said I didn't think of the past literally all the time, but despite this, I always urge my own soul to focus itself on moving forward.

You don't have a choice but to carry your past with you, but my recommendation is to never lay bricks that are broken- instead, grind them down and incorporate them into better, stronger bricks.

Last thing: stay away from people who only know how to build one structure, or who require of you that you rebuild your old relationships. Your old flame wants to try to be in your life again? Create something new. You're estranged from family but you have it in your heart to forgive? Create something new. Etcetera, etcetera. If that person only wants to return, or if you find that their "new" looks suspiciously like the "old", then leave that brick behind and never pick it up again.